i carry your heart

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart) i am never without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling) i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet) i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true) and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart) ee cummings

Knife Going In - Tegan and Sara

aaaaand i manage to fuck things up again.

i feel too similar to what i felt the last time this happened.

i wish i could go back and think about it a little.

i wish she didnt care about you.

i wish i didnt care about you.

my Heart is too big for my head

dear stranger,
i am very unimpressed with you right now. considering what happened the last time we were together, you are proving me right but i hate it. i hate being right about you ditching and i hate being right about people like you in general. i dont get the satisfaction i should from being right! i should feel smart or observant or experienced but all i feel is unwanted and the worst part is i know i will forgive you as long as you ask me to.

dear stranger,
i love you and love being around you. you are like my ray of sunshine and make me feel like a teenager which is unique to you, surprisingly. most everyone else i hang out with expects something from me but not you. things are very easy and i know that if i needed more from you you would happily provide. know that i am always here to talk to cry to laugh to. you are a beautiful soul and i want only good things for you.

dear stranger,
i would really like to get to know you. that is all.

dear stranger,
i love you i love you i love you i miss you come to me be with me always and forever. you make me grow up a little everytime i see you, and though its rough its what i need. you are beautiful inside and out. you eased my chest open and gently melted my heart and helped me shape it into something pretty and new. i love you always.

dear stranger,
i cannot look at you. you hurt me so much that i cannot look at you. and you are doing nothing to fix things. you apologized but i didnt buy it and you are doing nothing.

dear stranger,
thanks for reading my blog.

Cross my Heart and Hope to Die

5 shitty things;

1. need to get a job

2. my school

3. feeling lost, unwanted

4. i want to start speaking in my accent again more than anything in the world because i feel so much better and like ME when i do, but i can't bring myself to for many reasons.

5. fights with my mom

6 wonderful things;

1. photography course at acad (thank you emmy louu)

2. new art project at school, interpretive/stylized self portrait (fuck yeah)

3. dallas green = future father of my kids

4. okotoks people

5. potential halloween party

6. writing a book about weed stories. yeah.

Heart Ache

i am trying so hard

to follow my heart

but its lost, so lost

and im tired, so tired,

i cant stop aching

my throat is dry

my heart is lost

my mind is dead

my body aches with my heart,

aches and aches with my lost heart

please stop the aching

call off the searches

i know it is lost, aching and lost.

so you think you know me?

you of all people should know, then, how badly i want you for my own. just me.

but this retreat of yours into yourself is hurting me, offending me.

and i wonder, if you really truly cared, would i be hurting the way i am now?

it makes me question a lot. and it makes me want to yell and scream

that i, too, am in an unfamiliar place surrounded by unfamiliar faces and scared, so scared.

you are the only one who can help but the only one that's not listening.

Those people were overjoyed; they took to their boats.

I thought it less like a lake and more like a moat.

The rhythm of my footsteps crossing flatlands to your door have been silenced forever more.

The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row

It seems farther than ever before

Oh no.

I need you so much closer

I need you so much closer

I need you so much closer

I need you so much closer

I need you so much closer

here goes grade 12

i had a very long talk with my mom today, about nothing in particular. her family, my dad, how she felt when she was my age... these are my favorite talks with my mom. she laughs only when i say genuinely funny things and knows when to listen and when to say something. we are the same when it comes to talks, which i love. i hope to see kelsey and especially emerencz tomorrow, i feel so strangely incomplete when i am not txting or talking to or seeing her. mack, stop trying so hard. i am excited soo excited for this year. i feel like i'm growing up. my first day was disappointing, but the second made up for it. i had art class which made me feel at home because i now have my own space with a huge window and two big desks and a light table. i got really lucky. i love my art class more than any other, and then came english. i enjoy my new english teacher, the way she talks about books. i am good at getting my point across and making it sound pretty. i impressed myself with my social paper on how our society behaves and what individuals' roles are in society. fuck yeah.