but not because of all the weed. a lot of things seem to be going wrong, and i just want to escape from everything for a bit. thus, my memories of the past few days are blurry. i was so distracted all weekend thinking about what i did wrong, how to make it right, why it mattered, i couldnt focus on the present. i lost my art book. this is not only bad because its an outlet for me, but also because my teacher marks measures analyzes it. i now have to start from scratch in a new book, i have until thursday to do 2 months worth of research. i'm worried that in trying to be honest, i pushed you away. know that i only want what's best for you, whether its me or not. also i'm sorry you had to find out about that, i had no idea the effect it would have. on saturday i found myself in stefs car with juliana justine and bea, watching as they bought the pills they planned to do that night. i still don't really know how i felt about it. im thankful i passed out before i watched the pills take hold of my friends, thankful i didnt do them. not because i worry for addiction or bodily harm, but because i made a promise to myself to stick with the more natural things like weed mushrooms salvia. chemicals are just not something on my list of things to do, its as simple as that. which is why i dont preach to anyone about how bad pills are. the next day was also strange. made another english movie with carter, saw emerencz after that. her dog is massive, but age brought her some maturity i can tell. watching someone or somthing grow up is always special. from there i met brettlyn levi braeline and later colby. weed really does bring the strangest groups together. it makes a potentially awkward situation quite pleasant, because of how simple it is. "we just hung out. blazed." no one questions it. hung out with michael last night and watched 'thank you for smoking.' it's amazing i'm so glad we saw it. if you haven't, i highly recommend it. i really hope i get hired at co op as a cashier, i would love my work purely because michael and ben work there. reece and pryce are pretty dope too, but from the looks of things their positions at co op are less..permanent.
what was the shittiest thing that happened this weekend?
seeing my younger sister's anguish about her weight. i was so sad to hear her ask my mom for measures against it. it broke my heart. i wish i could give mila an inside look at the way i see her. i have always admired and loved her for everything. i love seeing parts of me in her, only the good parts. i hope when she grows up she can be comfortable with herself. i really really hope.
