Faithless

Dear Stranger;
It is harder than ever to let you be a part of my life. I miss the simple comfort you gave me so many times after so many tears. I hope this is temporary.

Dear Stranger;
Lighten up. Smoke a bowl. It's rough, growing up, but so is being with you when all the things that weigh down your thoughts are kept so close.

Dear Stranger;
I'm glad for the understanding. I know you could never have cared as much as I did and I'm better off with people who genuinely do.. who can show it, uncomplicated and sincere, without thinking about how it makes them look or seem to anyone else or me. I'm done being the bigger person and hiding my pain for your benefit, trying to be there for you and be a big girl at the same time.

Dear Stranger;
It's your hand on my face, your quiet confessions that make me unsure and unsteady on my feet.

And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate.

Stop this Train

will someone please just tip over the hourglass and let the sand spill out and stay still?

everything is moving so fast around me, and every time i turn around something is gone and something new stands in its place. something gets closer, something falls farther away.

in a month's time i will be in the process of moving what little furniture i own into an apartment in calgary my mom is renting me. i am already looking for work. its hard to learn to be self-sufficient but a lot of people do it and i guess im ready. but graduating, saying goodbye to bea, you, everyone and okotoks.. not really.

See you guys in a week.

Veo la tiempo

Today the weather matched my mood.

12.54pm I get out of bed after laying there awake for an hour. this was a depressing start if you ask me. I made my way to the kitchen and made coffee, drank it in the sunroom while i had a smoke. i thought about how everyone i know right now is looking for something, just like me. we are all at a point where we are searching for different things, all resembling a fresh start at something. i hope we all find it. talked on the phone for a while, a conversation i was anxious about that ended better than i thought. the sky was completely grey, dark clouds sitting on rooftops. the wind shook my little sun-room-haven and howled through the windows. i put on socks, black pants, white hoodie with my grey sweatshirt over top and read some more of Breakfast of Champions.

4.07 Bea comes home. we have a smoke and talk about our days. i realized this is how my mom must feel when the kids get home from school. i wanted company and was excited when bea's car pulled up. my dad tells me he likes my new hair, and i know he meant it cause my mom hadnt had the chance to tell him to yet. this is when the wind gets quieter, the clouds melt into the sky and the sun lightens up everything. i put on some Florence and the Machine and smoke some weed.

lets see how the weather holds up.

eating cookies & watching movies

Guess which one is YOU.

Dear Stranger;

good thing i havent talked to you in months, and then you whisper something like THAT in my ear? you are so weird. and anyways i know how hot i am thank you very much.

Dear Stranger;

thank you for being what i needed, and thank you for not needing anything more than my company,..it helps more than anything right now.

Dear Stranger;

i miss you sometimes, you beautiful girl. i just dont want you to leave without knowing how much you make a difference in my world.

Dear JORDAN FERRIER;

why do you always seem to fuck everything up? i honestly wish you would go into a coma or something for like 10 years and wake up with nothing. you are an insecure obnoxious dick hole and i hate you.

the end

don't you love feeling deserted and unworthy?

yeah, me neither.

Brighter than sunshine

I never understood before

I never knew what love was for

My heart was broke, my head was sore

What a feeling

Tied up in ancient history

I didnt believe in destiny

I look up you're standing next to me

What a feeling